I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
do herpes really smell.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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