help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
