I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
