Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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