if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Drake has all the answers
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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