How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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