so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
