I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
