You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
