I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
