I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
