i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
