you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
