Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
