I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
