This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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