Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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