He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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