We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
