You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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