Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
