brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
