there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The struggles of a small town man whore
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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