Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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