How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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