where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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