There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
