I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
