The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You have to summon your inner elephant
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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