How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Randomize
