We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
