Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Houston, we have a blender
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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