you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
