dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
