im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
