This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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