his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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