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are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i came on her dog
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
