Kiss
Puke
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
