Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize