you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
