We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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