I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
North Korea, Best Korea!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
