I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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