her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
