It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
