So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
