UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
