I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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