yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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