i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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