i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
