my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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