I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
