There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize