just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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