i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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