her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
