I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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