I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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