Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
