the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
