K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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