I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
