you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
