I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
