Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
