I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
