Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
